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A Wee Bit More -- Some Serious and Not-so-Serious Extras

Curtesy of Alan J. Keith - Visit his Website Here



......              The Drummers made me do it


Pipers do it with Amazing Grace

"How much does it cost to have an obituary printed?" asked the caller.
"It's two pounds per word, madam" said the editor.
"Fine," said the women. Get a pencil & some paper then take this down: MacDonnell...Dead"
The reporter waited for the women to go on, "That's it?" he asked.
"That's it," she said.
"I'm sorry, I should have told you madam, and there's a five word minimum."
"Yes, you should have young man," retorted the woman. "Let me think a moment. OK, I have it – take this down: "MacDonnell dead. Bagpipes for sale."

Q. How can you tell a bagpiper with perfect pitch?

A. He can throw a set into the middle of a pond and not hit any of the ducks.

Angus was driving down the street in a sweat because he had an important meeting and couldn't find a parking place.

Looking up to heaven he said, "Lord take pity on me. If ye find me a parking place I will go to church every Sunday for the rest of my life and give up my Scotch Whiskey!"

Miraculously, a parking place appeared.

Angus looked up again and said, "Never mind, I found one."




Been There.
Drone That

Got Pipes?




Q. How can you tell when a drummer's at the door?

A. The knocking speeds up.

Reed all about it!

Q. How can you slow the drummers down?

A. Put music in front of them.

Bagpipes...How sweet the sound

A biology graduate student went to Borneo to take some samples for his thesis work. He flew there and found a guide with a canoe to take him up the river to the remote site where he would make his collections. About noon on the second day of travel up the river they began to hear drums. Being a city boy by nature, the biologist was disturbed by this. He asked the guide, "What are those drums?"

The guide turned to him and said, "Drums Ok, but Very Bad when they stop."

Well the biologist settled down a little at this, and things went reasonably well for about two weeks. Then, just as they were packing up the camp to leave, the drums suddenly stopped! This hit the biologist like a ton of bricks (to coin a phrase), and he yelled at his guide, "The drums have stopped! What happens now?"

The guide crouched down, covered his head with his hands and said, "Bagpipe Solo!"

As a guy walks through a forest, a fairy suddenly appears and offers him a free wish. He removes a pocket atlas and points towards different countries: "Here is suffering, there, hunger, and over there people are tortured. I want all people to be free and healthy. Can you do that?" The fairy sighs and says: "Well, this is very difficult, even for me. Is there a chance that you can come up with another wish instead that would make it a little easier?" The guy answers: "As a matter of fact, there is. You see, I play the bagpipes, and have such a difficult time with the embellishments. Do you think you could........

"OK - let's look at that atlas one more time."

Musical Octopus

An Englishman walks into a pub with an octopus. He sits the octopus down on a stool and tell everyone in the pub this is a very talented animal. "He can play any musical instrument in the world."

Everyone in the pub laughs, calling him an idiot. So he says that he will bet $50 to anyone who has an instrument that the octopus can't play.

A Welshman walks up with a guitar and sets it beside the octopus. Immediately the octopus picks up the guitar and starts playing better than Segovia. The Welshman pays his $50.

Another Englishman walks up with a trumpet. This time the octopus plays the trumpet better than Miles Davis. This Englishman also pays up his $50.

Then a Scotsman walks up with some bagpipes. He gives them to the octopus who fumbles around with them in a confused fashion for several minutes.

"Ha!" the Scot says, "Can ye nae play it?"

The octopus looks up at him and says, "Play it? I'm going to make love to it as soon as I figure out how to get it's pajamas off!"




Several Jokes found on the Gallowglass Piper website. It has many more stories, jokes, and quotes well worth the visit!

Another site to check out is: Canadian Bagpipe Links

On a More Serious Note...

History of Bagpipes and Pipers History of Each of the Military Service Songs

Highland Drumming*

*from the Kalamazoo Pipes and Drums website.

Bagpipe Tunes in Bagpipe Player Format (bww)

(click here to download the free Bagpipe Player software)




Bagpipe Tunes- Sheet Music (.pdf)

(Click on: to download the free Adobe pdf reader software)


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